Now that midterms after over for 1Ls, and the semester is nearing the half-way point, it is time to have a few laughs (or roll your eyes at the bad jokes, whatever makes you happy! :) )
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 31." "31?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 110." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your billable hours."
As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
A man and his young son were visiting the grave of the son's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the son asked, "Daddy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, son," replied the father, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?
A jury.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.
And finally...
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."
Not one hand went up . . . . so she took them home and ate them.
SMILE!
